After 23 years of marriage, one cold November day in 2009 I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. It was a decision I did not take lightly and was a result of years of counseling, couples therapy, personal re-evaluations and consideration of consequences. This was not an issue of infidelity or physical abuse, but one of opposing personal directions and, in some cases, child rearing. It was a choice I had hoped not to encounter however my happiness and that of my children were hinging on this decision. Consequences? Yes, there were many to consider. What will this decision do to us financially? How will my children be impacted over the long run? Will I be able to maintain a relationship with my soon-to-be “ex” family whom I adored so very much? Will my relationship with this man who was my husband morph into one of bitterness, anger or hatred as so many others that I’ve known or heard about?

There was so much to consider, by my own choice, in addition to the obvious – interviewing and hiring mediators and attorneys, determining which one of us stays and which one of us moves out, selling our home of 21 years, and where to live once the house was sold – to name a few. Any one of these considerations, by themselves, is overwhelming. How do I conquer this and not become another statistically embittered ex-wife?

During the 3 year process of our divorce which culminated in October 2012, our family endured plenty of hardship – above and beyond the divorce itself. In the months and years to follow since making that decision, we encountered immediate family illness and loss, which necessitated the need to put our divorce plans on hiatus for a period of time. The bonds that tie us took precedence over the bonds that divide us until the time was right for us to move forward with the plan that had already been in motion.

In the 2 years since my divorce and the 3 years of separation, I’ve done a great deal of self-evaluation and circumstantial reassessments. I have come to understand that overcoming the battle is more important than claiming to “be right”. What I hope to share with my readers are ways in which you can enrich your lives and that of your immediate and extended families by maintaining a healthy relationship with your “ex” spouse, through my own experience and that of others who have achieved mutual harmony in the face of opposition. I welcome your feedback, personal ideas and reflections and certainly referrals of other couples you may know who may be willing to share their story on how they found their “happily never after”